An expert is someone who knows more and more about less and less until finally he knows everything about nothing. Today – SEXTING.
As smartphones became ubiquitous with the average person having internet access in their pocket, sexual interactions became something you could text to just about anyone. No longer were couples confined to things like actual sex or phone sex, as now, they could just sext each other.
Sexting can be compared to having sex. Some people are good at it, some aren’t, and when done right, it’s wonderful, while when done poorly, it can be downright painful.
With that in mind, it’s in your interest to bone up, if you will, on your sexting knowledge so you know how to bring a strong sext game to the table. Read on to discover the best tips for sending (and receiving) sexts like an absolute champ.
1. Laying the Groundwork
If you think that because sexting happens on your phone, it doesn’t really matter and isn’t as important as actual sex, you’re way off.
“Sexting can be sexy … or creepy. It can also be gross or scary if not done the right way,” cautions Laurel House, dating coach on the “Man Whisperer” podcast, and resident sex expert for MyFirstBlush.
“Communication is the foundation of your relationship, bridging you together, and turning potential confusion into clarity and even closeness,” she adds. “Communicating your likes and dislikes, interests and edges can expand and deepen your relationship.”
In that same vein you really shouldn’t start sexting with someone until you’ve had a pre-sext conversation to establish what you’re both into.
“Talk about what you think is sexy, what turns you on, and what would turn them on,” says House. “Ask what words your partner likes/doesn’t like, and tell them your preferences too. Talk about photos, selfies, and what body parts they and you are most excited by.”
Of course, when it comes to sexting, what your partner isn’t into is just as important as what they are, if not more so. Specifically, you should be careful not to sext them without their permission. Not everyone loves sexting, and even people who do don’t want to sext every single moment of the day.
“Sending unsolicited sexts is tantamount to harassment, so ask your partner or if they want your [sexts] before you send them,” advises Dr. Jess O’Reilly, host of the “@SexWithDrJess Podcast.” “Permission can be sexy, so use your imagination and be seductive and playful.”
And for that matter, don’t assume that sexting is definitely on the table in a new relationship.
“Just because one ex may have loved your raunchy messages, doesn’t mean that your current partner will,” adds House.
2. Getting Started
“When you send your first sext, start slowly,” advises House. “Make sure that the timing is right. If they are busy, they might not be emotionally present or in the right frame of mind or place to keep up the sexy messages. If the timing is off, your partner might actually feel annoyed by your sexting instead of turned on.”
House adds that it’s “more than what you say,” and you should “consider when you send” those sexts.
“You don’t want to create a seriously embarrassing moment for them, like if their 14-year-old nephew is playing with their phone or their boss is looking over their shoulder!” she continues. “First, ask what they are up to. If it seems like the coast is clear, then send an initial text. Like,
‘I’m thinking about you … and how sexy you are.’
They might respond with,
‘Oh yeah … What are you thinking about …?’
Then you slowly escalate from there.”
Dr. Jess agrees that letting your sexting partner know you’re in the mood is a good way to kick things off. She also believes bringing a question/answer dynamic into the mix is also a viable strategy.
“To start, I suggest you send questions, send messages that will elicit questions from them or simply state your desires more generally,” she says. “These statements, of course, would follow the requisite asking of permission.”
‘I can’t wait to see you tonight. What are you in the mood for?’
‘If I were to drop by right now, how would you feel?’
‘I’ve been waiting all week for you. Have you been thinking of me too?’
‘I’ve been thinking about you all day …’
‘Do you know what I’ve been thinking about?’
“Build up slowly, ask questions, be playful and coy so that you create a crescendo that keeps getting hotter.” says Dr. Jess.
3. Examples of Hot Sexts
Once you have your partner’s permission and established a sexy mood, you might wonder where to go from there.
At its core, sexting is sort of like digital dirty talk. If there’s something you’d enjoy saying or hearing out loud in bed, there’s a decent chance it would work whether typed or read on your phone.
That being said, if you’re not sure how to proceed, and you and your partner don’t have a lot of dirty talk history for you to draw on, House offers the following list of sexts for you to try out:
‘I want you to imagine me between your legs, making you drip for me.’
‘When you masturbated last time, what did you fantasize about? I want to do that to you.’
‘You want me to lick you, don’t you?’
‘Can you imagine my tongue deep inside you? Close your eyes. Imagine me licking you. Now tell me that you love feeling my mouth all over your pussy.’
‘It makes me/you so hard to go down on you and taste your dripping clit in my mouth.’
‘I need you to cum in my mouth.’
‘You love taking my cock deep inside your mouth, don’t you?’
‘I can’t control myself with you. I need to feel you all over me.’
‘You love feeling me deep inside you don’t you? Tell me that you love it.’
‘You’re going to cum so hard for me. I want you to cum for me… now.’
You’re my naughty little whore, aren’t you?’
‘Are you ready to cum for me? Because I’m hungry…’
If you’re not sure how comfortable your partner is with specific terms (some people would prefer not to be called a slut, while others may consider it a real turn-on), you can modify the language. The following examples allow you to play around with how intense you’re getting while still carrying a sexy vibe.
‘Ohh, you’re such a good [adjective] [noun].’
‘Do you like it when [your name] fills you up with his [adjective] [body part]? Yeah you do.’
‘You love being [past-tense verb] down and [past-tense verb] because you’re my [body part] [noun].’
‘Will you be a good [submissive noun] for your [dominant noun] and let me [verb] you for my pleasure?’
‘I want to [verb] your [body part] and [verb] up all your [plural noun] with my [body part].’
‘Mmm, I love [verb]ing inside you so [exclamation] much.’
4. Keeping It Going
As a guy, you might be used to feeling in control in sexual situations, and sexting can seem scary if you’re not used to it. The first thing you should know is that it’s OK not to feel 100 percent confident and in control at every moment.
Sexting, something that occurs within a text message conversation, can be just that. There can be a back-and-forth dynamic to it where each participant takes the lead at different moments that allows the other person to sit back and appreciate what’s happening. .
There’s nothing wrong with breaks or silences during the conversation, too.
“Breaks can be sexy, as they build anticipation, and research suggests that dopamine levels are higher when you build anticipation with unpredictability (dopamine is associated with pleasure, motivation and reward),” notes Dr. Jess. “Don’t feel the need to respond right away. If you have to run, you can always let them know that you’ll be back:
‘I’ve got to run. Stay tuned for more…’
‘I’ll be back with more later…’”
In fact, if the sexting is going well, you might want to take little breaks here and there to masturbate (assuming you’re in a place where you can). You can address that by saying something like,
“Sorry I disappeared for a moment there… I got carried away thinking about how bad I want to f—k you.”
You can also ask your partner if they’re doing the same thing as you.
“Are you touching yourself right now too?”
Something to keep in mind is what to do if your partner sends you something that’s more of a turn-off than a turn-on. Luckily, there’s an easy solution for that: Rather than flat out saying, “Whoa, I’m not into that,” try to redirect the conversation.
“If your partner is leading you down a path that you don’t find appealing, simply let them know with a ‘But I’d rather __________’ message,” says Dr. Jess.
“If you’re not sure what to say next, just talk about what you like,” she advises. “Rather than focusing in on turning your partner on, refocus on your own desires and fantasies, as the more genuine you are, the more responsive they’ll likely be.”
5. How to Handle Pictures
When it comes to sending sexts with pictures included, there are some things you should (and shouldn’t) do. .
“If the first pic you send is a hot shot of your entire body or genitals, you leave no space for build-up and anticipation. “Move gradually and make sexting about teasing, so that the grand finale is even hotter.” says Dr. Jess.
Of course, making sure those pics are sexy to begin with starts with what else is in the shot. Don’t make the classic mistake of focusing on your body with no attention to composition.
“If you’re taking pics in your bedroom, at least feign good hygiene by hiding the mess in the background,” she adds. “Nobody looks hot in front of dirty socks strewn about the room,” Dr. Jess adds.
Even if you’re not staging the shoot in your bedroom, keeping clutter, mess, or distinctly unsexy or humorous things out of the frame is a pretty good rule of thumb. Anything that could distract from your sexy body could ruin the experience for the receiver.
As for the particulars of trusting someone else with pictures of your naked (or semi-naked) body, how intimate you choose to get is up to you. That doesn’t mean you should go hog wild.
“Obviously, you should only send pics to those you trust, but it’s better to err on the side of caution since sometimes our most trusted lovers can later turn into our arch-nemeses,” continues Dr. Jess. “Maybe that’s a bit melodramatic, but you get the point: Only send pics that wouldn’t ruin your career (or your life — more melodrama here!) if they were hacked or leaked onto the internet.”
Pro tip:Keep your face or other identifying details (like tattoos) at least semi-obscured. Then, you have a measure of plausible deniability should the worst occur.
6. How to Wrap Things Up
If you don’t have a lot of sexting experience, it can be nerve-racking to know how to end things. Whether one (or both of you) have climaxed or not, you may be wondering what’s a smooth way to transition from such sexually packed texts to the tamer ones you normally exchange.
“Sexting either ends when you ‘finish,’ or when you have to go, which might be because you are falling asleep or have to focus on something else,” notes House. “If you’re ending because you have to focus on something else, don’t just leave them hanging. Instead, say,
‘Oh baby, I’m so turned on right now, but I have to go… I can’t wait to see you in the flesh and treat your body to insane amounts of pleasure…’
“Ending with a compliment or praise allows you to bring the conversation to a close on a positive note,” adds Dr. Jess. suggesting you to add
“That was fun!”
“Let’s do this again sometime soon.”
as viable options for signing off.
Whatever you do, don’t just leave your sexting partner hanging, as they won’t be able to tell if you’ve forgotten them entirely in the heat of passion, or you simply aren’t turned on at all.
Hopefully this guide will help you kickstart some seriously awesome sexting sessions. Good luck!
This article was first published HERE.