We’ve all gotten advice at some point or another in our lives. People love giving their two cents to others when it concerns something they presume themselves to be an expert in. They want nothing more than to help. But a lot of the time they don’t! Dating advice for men is a common thread in popular culture. But the people dishing it out often have no idea what they’re talking about!
People spew out dating advice onto others like Mt. Vesuvius spews out hot lava onto Pompeians. Horrible advice after more horrible advice is lent onto unsuspecting and vulnerable men each and every day. The collateral damage of these poor recommendations can only be hypothesized. But rest assured, it’s not pretty!
Here are 15 examples of the absolute worst dating advice for men out there.
1. Just Be Yourself
“Just be yourself” takes the cake as being the worst piece of advice you can possibly get. Just think about this for a second. If you are looking to get better with women, i.e. seeking useful tips to improve your dating life, it’s quite obvious that what you are currently doing is not working. By being yourself, and being the same person who has an ineffective dating life, you will not succeed!
People who say, “Just be yourself,” really mean “Just be your best self,” which is actually pretty good advice in theory (disregarding the lack of precise details in how to be your best self, of course), but they leave out the best part. When someone is their best self, they are all they can be and nothing more. They’ve worked at mastering their weaknesses and harnessing their strengths and they’ve overcome whatever challenges they’ve faced in life. This is where and what you want to be: your best self. Not just yourself!
2. Don’t Pay For Her
Somewhere along the line paying for a woman when a man took her out on a date became shunned upon by the men’s self-help community. Perhaps it was a necessity in the empowerment of man, and something that self-improvement-seeking men, especially in dating, needed to hear. Maybe it gave men a certain belief and entitlement that they never had before; so for that, I can forgive many guys for believing this.
But it’s time to set the record straight. Not paying for a woman you want to take out says one thing to a woman, “This guy is cheap!”
I am not saying that you should lead with your money and get flashy or that you should pay for everything; but I am saying women still feel that men should pay (or at least offer to) when he takes her out on a date. I’ve known guys who were adamant about not paying for a drink or a meal or a ticket, and they were looked at by the women they took out as petty.
It’s one thing if a woman is obviously trying to have you buy everything or get her things; it’s another thing entirely to offer to get the first round of drinks on a first date. Guys who read too much pick-up artist stuff tend to believe this fallacy. A high-quality woman, however, will not put up with this trivial behavior. Do yourself a favor and pay for a woman when you take her out.
On a side note, a good woman is always going to offer to pitch in, get the next tab, pay for something else during the date, or offer to buy the subsequent round of whatever pops up. Keep this in mind when you are deciding who is and who is not “girlfriend material.”
3. Be The Nice Guy And Slip Under Her Radar
Being “The Nice Guy” is not an effective strategy when trying to woo a woman. Now, don’t get me wrong, nice guys can often finish first with women (as my friend Kevin Alexander will tell you) but trying to be too nice, or trying to be someone you’re not, never works! Guys who try to play into the nice-guy role are guys who just don’t have the confidence to be true to who they really are.
The “Just Be Nice and She’ll Like You” crap is one of the worst dating advice for men strategies I can think of! It literally drives me up the wall when I hear this because it’s so wrong!
Nice guys… true nice guys that is, are nice by nature. They don’t have to “try” to be nice, they just are. When you try acting a certain way, you act incongruently with your inner emotions and your true self. Women see right through this façade, and they never see the man favorably.
4. Kiss Her At The End Of The Date
Kissing her at the end of the date is okay, but waiting until the end of the date to kiss her for the first time is not. If you have to wait until the very end of the date to lock lips with your woman, you’ve done something wrong.
Women hate feeling pressured when on a date with a man. They hate pressure and they hate awkwardness. These two feeling kill sexual tension, and kill the special moment. Rather than waiting until the very end to give her that proverbial end-of-the-night kiss, kiss her much earlier on, and take the pressure off the both of you.
It works out far better when you kiss a woman earlier on in the date. Maybe half hour or an hour into the date is best. This way you get it out of the way and you don’t build up weird, awkward feelings between you and her. Rather than being predictable and ineffective, be spontaneous and successful!
5. Take Her To The Movies On The First Date
Man, I hate when people say, “Why don’t you take her to the movies for your date?” It irks me in ways that can only be compared to fingernails scraping against grade-school chalkboards. This has to be the worst date idea ever conceived!
Let’s think about this concept for a moment so I can emphasize the utter folly of this idea.
You meet a woman and ask her out on a date.
You say “Sweet!”
She says “I know.”
You think to yourself:
Hmm where can I take this attractive woman that would give me the best chance of getting to know her, connecting with her, seeing if I like her, and potentially forming a relationship with her?
It has to be someplace where we could talk, get to know each other, have fun, get intimate, and hopefully even get physical. Where but where should I go that meets these pretty standard requirements? Ah, yes, the movies!
Nope! Wrong! This is the last, and I do mean last place to go that meets these very basic qualifications for a good first date.
When you go to the movies you literally have nothing to do but sit quietly and watch the movie. You are positioned away from your girl. You have a stupid cup-holding barricade in between you two. You try desperately and unsuccessfully to come up with funny comments relating to the movie. You basically sit through two hours of torture watching some crappy movie about god-knows-what, and when it finally ends and the lights turn on, you’ve virtually spent two boring and awkward-filled hours with a complete stranger!
She knows nothing about you, finds you less attractive, and wants nothing more than to go home and never see you again.
Yeah, that’s why the movies suck!
And oh yeah, take all of this advice about not going to the movies, and times it by 10 when it comes to dinner dates! Dinner dates are 10x worse than movies. Unless you are older than 50, take her someplace fun like Dave and Buster’s, karaoking, mini-golfing, a fair, a park, dancing, an event, even go kart racing. All of these ideas beat the hell out of doing nothing but watching a movie or watching each other eat!
6. Wait At Least 3 Dates To Have Sex With Her
A lot of people think you have to wait a certain amount of dates to have sex with someone. Typically I hear things like “Wait 3 dates before getting sexual.” Or sometimes I hear 5 dates, or 1 month, or even a few months, or yes, even marriage! Now, putting aside any religious rhetoric or ideological beliefs; just taking into account the idea of someone waiting to have sex with someone else until after getting married is completely moronic!
This is another thing that drives me up the wall! And it’s one of the worst dating tips for men out there!
Sex isn’t everything in a relationship, but it certainly is very important. Why marry someone and spend the rest of your life with them without even knowing if you like connecting with them in the most definitive way? Again, if you’re devoutly religious I do apologize, because I don’t mean to knock your beliefs, but I too am a Catholic, and I just don’t get it!
But in any case, whether you want to wait until marriage or whether you want to wait 3 days, I’m here to tell you, speaking from a practical dating advice point-of-view; these are both bad recommendations.
When you put a timeframe on something like this, you take away the spontaneity and natural flow of attraction. Do you think our primordial ancestors said to themselves:
“I have to wait until I take Ms. Rockhead out 3 times before I can put my hand on her breast. Yes, after 3 dates I can get sexual with her.”
Of course they didn’t. They did what came natural to them. We have to do what comes natural to us too. If that means having sex on the first date, or the second date, or whenever that time comes, then that is what you should do. But limiting yourself and handicapping your ability to have sex with a woman because of some arbitrary idea that waiting longer is better, is just plain stupid.
You can have sex on the first date and still have long-term relationships. Waiting longer to have sex in hopes of increasing your chances of being in a relationship is wrong. It doesn’t work. Relationships aren’t formed because of waiting longer to have sex. They’re formed when two people connect and find that they love connecting and being around one another. Period.
7. Message Her A Lot To Keep The Attraction Alive
Look, you can’t just lead with asking a woman out online and think that’s all you have to say to her before meeting her in person. There’s a little more to it than just getting her number and asking her out, or having her accept you on Facebook and messaging her to hang out with you right away. However, you don’t have to, and should not message her every day leading up to the date you two are supposed to get together.
This is where problems arise. Instead of texting a woman or Facebook messaging a woman whom you already hooked, let the suspense build on its own. Guys think they have to keep selling themselves even after she said “yes” and this is why they often blow it. A lot of flakiness comes from guys simply texting too much or messaging too much on Facebook. Rather than keeping quiet and building mystery and intrigue with the woman, they create dullness and skepticism.
Instead of talking your way out of a date you have, text (or message) a woman briefly to set up a date, and after you set up the date, remain absolutely silent until the morning of the date. Then, and only then, are you allowed to message her telling her that you are either A. Excited for the date and will see her at so and so hour, or B. Going to be running 5 minutes late and will see her at so and so hour. That’s all. Say nothing else.
As the great Leonardo Da Vinci once put it, “Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.”
8. Knock Her Up And Keep The Relationship Alive
Wow. It doesn’t get any worse than this. If you have this mindset or know someone who has this mindset, you or they need help beyond just dating advice. There is a serious self-esteem and/or psychological issue with someone who thinks this advice to be even remotely valid. This isn’t just the worst dating advice for men, this is horrible advice for humanity!
If a woman you are dating wants to leave you, let her! As hard as it may be, it will only get worse if you involve a child into the mix. The child creates more drama, more problems, and more schism for a relationship that’s going nowhere. I’ve been a dating coach for over five years, have worked with thousands of clients, and collaborated with some of the best experts in the world, and I have yet to hear of any child salvaging a doomed relationship.
If nothing else, having a child may mask the issues for some time. But putting a band-aid on a bullet hole that is a woman wanting out of her commitment to you will never end well. If you want a child then wait until you’re ready to have one. For your own sake, for the woman’s sake, and most importantly, for the child’s sake. An unwanted child is a child born with burden. It’s not fair to them and it’s not fair to yourself.
9. Don’t Tell Her That You Like Her
Continuing along the crappy dating advice for men theme, we have this one!
Not telling a woman you like her is juvenile. It’s advice that children give to one another while playing tag and hop-scotch in the playground. When you’re an adult you have to know how to tell someone you like them. When you’re a man, you have to be confident when you do this.
You don’t want to tell a woman you really like her on your first date or when you first meet her. That’s a given. However, at some point down the line, after a connection and bond is formed, you have to be able to confidently express your feelings. Don’t come off needy and profess your love for her (even if you truly are falling for her) because this will be a huge turn off for women if said way too early. But do confidently tell her from time to time that you think she is cool. That you like her personality. That you like her energy. That you think she’s really fun. All of these things show her that you are confident handing out compliments (when they are appropriate) and that you are not afraid of expressing yourself. Vulnerability can be a huge attraction switch.
Women love guys who can say things that most men can’t. (Most men can weakly throw out the typical, played-out compliment to a woman. But few men can come up with an original and more heart-felt compliment, and stand by it.)
10. Be The A-Hole
A-hole game doesn’t work. Women may be attracted to some A-holes for whatever reason or another (although rare), but in general these guys really don’t do well with women. And guys who try to mimic the bad boy style come off as disingenuous. They are not naturally mean or cruel so when they put on this insincere front, it’s obvious to women that something is off.
Instead, if there’s a default way to act, it’s being nice. Don’t be too nice or you may come across as being needy or disingenuous in the opposite way, as we mentioned earlier, but just being a good guy in general is something that all men should strive for. Nice guys can still be dominant, funny, charismatic, charming, hard-to-get, and incredibly appealing to women. They don’t need to fall back on trying to be a jerk to attract women.
At the end of the day, women want men who treat them right. No woman pines for a man who has no respect for her, treats her like crap, and doesn’t satisfy her emotionally. Being an A-hole is nothing to strive for in life.
11. Use The Pull-Out Method
The Pull-Out Method is probably the dumbest sexual suggestion ever given to young men. Newsflash: You can knock a girl up and get AIDS by using this method! Although these two situations are both pretty rare, the possibility of either one of these even happening is still enough, or should be enough, for any man to just wrap up his penis during intercourse.
Why risk getting something like HIV just to hook up with a woman? Or something much more common like Gonorrhea or Chlamydia or Herpes? The risk is just not worth the reward. STDs are so widespread today that if you are actively having sex you need to be taking safety measures. Long gone are the days where STDs and STIs are a thing that only someone from another country or another city gets. They are everywhere now. You’re best friend may even have an STD and you might never even know. After all, who wants to brag about having weird stuff on their genitals?
As far as pregnancy goes: Yes, it’s true that most sperm found in pre-ejaculate fluid are dead and that a lot of fluid has no sperm at all, but, some fluid does have living sperm in it. That’s right, although rare, some pre-ejaculate fluid can still have live sperm inside it, and can still get a woman pregnant! Just put on a Trojan and play it safe.
12. You Need To Get Money To Get Women
People who believe that money is the ultimate attractor of women are complete morons. These are the same people who are unhappy with themselves and unhappy at life because they haven’t figured out that money doesn’t buy happiness. Whether they have money or not, they will never be fulfilled in life because they are seeking the wrong thing.
To these individuals I say, “The best attractive factor in life is personality.” Personality trumps all. It trumps looks. It trumps money. It trumps possessions. It trumps social status. Everything. Women are wired to want to be with men who have incredible personalities. Why? Because a great personality encompasses a broad range of favorable traits.
Men with great personalities historically have a good amount of intelligence (both social and I.Q. wise); they are humorous, clever, positive, upbeat, energetic, and interesting. All of these qualities endear them to women. Women see men who have these characteristics as men who could potentially make for great future spouses. They innately want someone who has all of his shit together and desire their potential lover to have favorable traits that would pass onto a potential child. (All of this is typically not thought about consciously, but is more of a subconscious process within the back of women’s minds.) After all, our sole purpose as a species, and for that matter any species, is to reproduce.
Women (and men) want their partner to be someone who has endearing qualities, qualities that offer value to the world (and their offspring!). Money doesn’t fit that bill. It can’t be transferred into the cells of someone’s child. It’s not a characteristic of personality. And it is not something that’s hard-wired into the primal parts of women’s brains. It just doesn’t matter.
13. Wait 3 Days To Text Her
Another horrible dating advice for men tip is the 3-Day Rule!
Waiting 3 days to text a woman after you get her number is asking for trouble. Women are busy. Especially attractive women. They have a lot going on and a lot of men constantly hitting them up to go out. If you think you can play it cool and wait 3 full days before messaging her, you’re sorely mistaken. As that sort-of-funny black YouTube lady with bronchitis once said “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”
If you wait too long, and yes 3 days is far too long, she won’t respond. You’re much better off texting a woman the day you get her number and setting up a date at that point. This way you are fresh in her mind and are still relevant to her. I know 72 hours doesn’t seem like that long, but in our microwave, social media, and ADD-filled society, 72 hours might as well be 72 years. By the time you text her, she will probably have deleted your number, if not completely erased all memory of who you are within her head. Either way you’re screwed!
14. Don’t Approach Women
People who subscribe to the belief that men should not approach women are the same people who believe that you should work the same boring job every day for 30+ years, save up and wait for retirement, and enjoy life only after you get your pension. I disagree. I think that working at a job that you’re not 100 percent passionate about is a complete waste of time. I think retirements are stupid. And I think that pensions are even more stupid.
I’m not one to rely on others for things. In fact I hate it! I believe in self-reliance and I believe in creating your ideal life. An ideal life is not working at a boring, crappy job your entire life. It’s going out and finding what you enjoy and making a living doing it. More people need to adopt this mentality and more people have to have guts when it comes to going against the norm.
It’s much easier to take a job or career that others believe is good, than to follow your dream and actually do what makes you happy. Especially when others don’t see your dream. When only you can truly envision your dream, it takes courage to chase it.
The same concept can be applied to approaching women. When most people say that it’s juvenile or immature to go up and talk to a beautiful woman you see out and about, it takes courage to not listen to them. Most people criticize this idea because they can’t truly grasp the concept of it. But then again, most people work boring jobs and can’t grasp the concept of doing something they truly love, as opposed to doing something that others think is a good fit for them.
By approaching women you stand ahead of the pack. You take your life in your own hands and create what you want from it. Instead of passively waiting and hoping to meet women, you actively approach them and make your desires a reality. Go after what you truly want in life; whether that be a dream job or a dream girl. And never forget that.
15. When It Comes To Sex Let Her Decide
I am of the firm belief that if sex were left in the hands of women, meaning it was up to them to decide when to have it, our species would go extinct. Not because women don’t love sex and crave it just as much as men, but because women are almost always leaving things up to men in this department. For some reason, men are responsible for escalating things sexually with women. It may be another primal thing here, and it may be that we’re wired this way. Or it may just be that men have traditionally grown into this role, and society has evolved to condition us this way over time. Whatever the case, it’s up to men to take charge.
Men who are passive in this particular area trigger certain alarm signals in the women they are with. Women, who expect men to lead, think something is off when a man gives up control and passively waits or hopes for her to take charge. It doesn’t work.
Women either think a man has zero idea about what he is doing (which is often the case), or they think that the man is not interested in sexually going forward with them. And as you can imagine, both of these scenarios are not favorable. If women feel either one of these situations may be true, they are completely turned off. Hence the reason why this passive approach doesn’t work.
Instead, lead the way sexually. At least at first. I’m not suggesting you be dominant all the time or that you have to constantly be in control sexually, as it’s actually quite fun to let her lead from time to time! But at least at first, when you two aren’t quite sexually familiar with one another, it’s absolutely necessary that you confidently lead the way. Convey to her that you know what you are doing and show her that you’re in charge. Do this, and sex will never be an issue for you.
Women love a confident leader, especially in the bedroom. Be bold, be dominant, and show her that you know what you’re doing.
As you can see there are a lot of misconceptions out there about dating. Try your best to avoid these fallacies and you’ll be pretty well off. I can’t promise you complete success by steering clear of the worst dating advice for men, but I can certainly promise you’ll be much better off if you follow this guide. Good luck, be safe, and treat women as you want them to treat you!